blah.

There are so many great things going on at our campus.  From this, to this, to this, to this, there are signs of life and growth all over the place.

Which is what makes this particular post kinda feel out of place. 

Here's the deal: for me, even amidst all of the great stories of growth and success and blessing, it feels like something is missing. Despite all of the great stories, it's all starting to feel like this word that's not even a word but describes it better than any real word:

"Blah."

Maybe you don't feel it.  Maybe you would even disagree.  But in my heart, in my spirit, I feel like something is missing.  Something is "blah."

I've been chased by this feeling for a couple of months, actually - at different times, to varying levels of intensity.  But the feeling when it emerges is generally the same: "Yeah, this is great, but..."

But what?

Well, today I got a little clearer on the "what."  And actually, the "what" didn't come from something in the church.  Instead, the "what" that's making things "blah" was all very personal. 

For me, a few things are missing in my life.  Perhaps they are missing in yours as well.  (Please note: I'm about to confess a few things to you that may unnerve you. But, authenticity is part of our DNA at Prairie Lakes Church.  So, here goes.)

First: I don't feel captivated by God's redemptive story in God's written word.  Now, I believe it.  I work for it's realization in our community and in our church.  But I have to confess: it's been too long since I've been captivated by it, and compelled to act because of my personal encounter with it.

This of course follows on the heels of a sobering finding from the Reveal Spiritual Life Survey that we just completed: only 16% of us responded by saying that we are in God's Word on a daily basis.

Ugh. (Also not a real word.  But it has the same intrinsic descriptive power as "blah," doesn't it?)

I was reading today from a book that is stirring my soul as a leader called Church Unique. I want to share a quote from it with you.  It describes what happens when we do make this connection with God in his Word:

Consider how Dwight Smith describes people with vision: "There is an itch about something that must be done that animates their lives. They cannot let it go! It is important to emphasize that such a vision does not come from trying to have one. In all of these people, it simply comes! God has so demonstrated Himself that they are filled with a picture of something that must be done."

Yeah.  That's it.  That's what's been missing.  I'm not putting myself in a position for God to "so demonstrate Himself" that I am "filled with a picture of something that must be done."  I've been "trying to have" a vision without allowing God to reawaken his vision in me through his Word.

Convicting.

Here is the second "what" from my life that was making things "blah" for me - also convicting:

I am doing a lot to organize church life for others, but am doing very little to enjoy God's life with others.

Also dumb on my part.  In my quest to help us towards an irrestibile community, I don't think I've created very much space in my life to enjoy community or to build it into my life personally.

I'm living life around people, but not living life with them.

At our Urban Compassion small group last Monday night, I made a comment that surprised me.  When speaking of doing something as simple as playing basketball with some of the kids at the Boys and Girls Club, I referred to it as "the most enjoyable part of my job - the thing that I get the most satisfaction out of." 

And I was serious.

And that surprised me.

But as I thought about it, it makes perfect sense.  That group is becoming the place where, with 6 or 7 other PLC'ers from Waterloo, we are mixing up our mission, our service, our relationships, our studying, our learning, our sharing, and our community - all into one God-inspired experience together.

And it just feels good.

So, that's what's making things "blah" for me right now.  But today, I feel like the Spirit illuminated them, and am excited to begin to tackle them with him.  I'm looking forward to the new life that will be birthed out all of it.

Which leads me to ask:

What is making things "blah" for you today?