
This question came up during the last panel discussion at the Waterloo campus. It deserves more discussion. So...
How far is too far when you’re dating someone? The answer? It depends. How’s that for clarity? We all know the Bible says that lust is a sin and that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. But what about when you’re dating? Are there things other than sex you can do without sinning? Yes and no! I’m really not helping, am I? Let me explain. Yes, it’s possible that kissing, holding hands, and hugging are appropriate. No, outside of marriage you can’t allow someone access to the private areas of your body and not be sinning. It’s really that simple. Now, let me back up a bit. So, am I saying that if you’re a teenager you have complete freedom to kiss, hug, and hold hands? It depends. Are you annoyed yet? Let me explain. There are two important guiding factors when trying to answer that question. What do my parents say and what does God say? It’s possible that your parents have set boundaries in place for you. If that’s the case then you need to respect those boundaries. If you break them then you are sinning, because God says in Ephesians 6:1 for children to obey their parents and honor them so that you may enjoy a long life. Just a side note here. Parents, if you haven’t had this talk yet, you need to. If you don’t set the boundaries then your child will. Here are a few suggestions to help get the ball rolling.
· Initiate the dialogue. This is too important to just assume or expect that it will just work itself out somehow.
· Be honest about your own mess ups. You don’t have to go into detail, but be authentic about the hurt that your sin caused you.
· Listen to them. Really listen. Don’t lecture or view this as a time for you to simply transfer information to them and then get everyone ready for dinner. Set time aside and genuinely listen to what they have to say.
· Set the boundaries based on what you’re comfortable being around and knowing might happen if you’re not there.
· Don’t expect your child to follow your rules if a relationship doesn’t exist. Rules without relationship equal rebellion. Invest in your child.
· Consider the age you allow your children to start dating. Some research suggests that a child who starts dating at age 14 is four more times likely to have pre-marital sex than a child who waits until age 16 to start dating. Waiting isn’t such a bad thing!
· Watch this video.
· Pray with them.
So, back to Ephesians 6:1. God actually says that if children listen to their parents then they can experience a long life of satisfaction and joy. Wow, why do you think that is? It’s because parents have “been there done that” and know what to avoid. Listen to them, they understand you (teenager) more that you realize, they were once a teenager too.
What about what God says? Well, in Galatians God is very clear about how all this works. He says in verses 7 & 8:
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man (or teenager) reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”
God knows our thoughts and desires before we have them. He knows already if you’ve “gone too far” and so do you! God puts His Holy Spirit in us for questions just like this one. One of the jobs of the Holy Spirit is to help us understand right from wrong. God says that if we keep sinning we’ll end up with something destroyed in the process. What are you willing to have destroyed in your life if you maintain a habit of sin? However, if we don’t we can expect to be filled with a long life of pleasure God style. I don’t know about you, but I’m not too much into destroying parts of my life. I’d rather have a life that is in one piece and full of God.